Quick Tips on How to Deal with In-Laws

In-laws are the focus of blame and reproach when there are marital disputes. But there are ways to maintain a good relationship with them. Here are some tips:

  • Remember your spouse’s parents have known them longer and loved them longer. Never make an issue about “me or them”.
  • Let respective parties settle their own disputes. If your mother-in-law has a problem with her husband, let them deal with it. Don’t interfere
  • Don’t tell your spouse how to improve their relationship with their parents.
  • Expect some adjustment time for parents after marriage to adjust to this new relationship.
  • Remember that mothers are usually skeptical about daughter-in-laws and fathers about son-in-laws. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
  • Always strive to treat your in-laws with compassion, respect and mercy.
  • Maintain a balance between your needs and that of your in-laws.
  • Never compare your wife to your mother or your husband to your dad.
  • Do not go to your parents with unnecessary quarrels.
  • If you are supporting your parents financially with your spouse’s money it may be best to inform your spouse as a matter of courtesy and clarity.
  • Do not forbid your spouse from seeing family unless you fear for their religion and safety.
  • Do not divulge secrets.
  • Make time to know your in-laws but stay out of their disputes.
  • Maintain the Adab (etiquettes) of Islam with your sister- and brother-in-laws (i.e.no hugging or kissing).
  • Give grandparents easy and reasonable access to their grandchildren.
  • Be forgiving and keep your sense of humor.
  • Remember that nobody can interfere or influence your marriage unless you allow them to.
  • Visit them when you can and encourage your spouse to visit their parents and regularly check on them.
  • When parents become dependent on their children, a serious discussion with all parties present should take place. Expectations and requirements of such a living arrangement must be worked out.

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